I wonder…..if I die…

Sounds suicidal? Nah! It’s nothing like that.

A couple of days ago, I posed a question to some of my close friends – “If I asked you to describe me in one word, what would it be?” Yes, I only asked my close friends as they would say the sweetest honest things. If I asked any of my ex boyfriends or those I had worked under or who have worked under me, then that would be…errr..err…errr…a different story.

Anyway, allow me to analyze each answer I received. To potential boyfriend(s) out there, treat this as Lesson 101 on Suzie! Err…it can be a major turn off, too. Whatever!

• P says GreatHeart – Two words combined as one. I believe everybody has a good heart unless if he is a merciless psycho criminal mofo who beats up or kills or rapes another life, whether a human or an animal. Everyone is a good person until proven otherwise. Every religion teaches men to be good to others. I try to be good. I try not to hurt or harm others - physically, mentally or emotionally....intentionally. I try to help others if it’s within my means and capabilities. I try to treat others with fairness and empathy. I try to be respectful and considerate. I try (and I’m struggling) to be non-judgmental.

• AL says NotFake – Another two words combined as one. She could have just said 'real'. Anyways, I guess, what you see is what you get from me. I don’t pretend to be something or someone I am not. I don’t fool others into liking me. I don’t hide my weaknesses. I don’t hide my stupidity (probably from my bosses and clients only) and I don’t hide my wit and wisdom either. I don’t pretend that I’m happy neither do I pretend that I’m sad. I don't pretend to like if I dislike something or someone (tho' in some situations I had to and you'd know I was pretending!) Faking is a waste of time and energy. Hmm…that didn’t sound quite right, eh? Whatever!

• J says Partner – I try to be a friend that my friends can depend on to get our/their shit done. I try to be a good confidante. I try…opps… I make sure your secrets are safe with me. I do crazy things with you (only) if it doesn’t risk my life. I try to be your shoulder to cry on. I hold your hand when you're scared (tho' I might run away if I'm scared myself!) I try not to get bored when you talk cock. I try to make myself useful (whenever I’m not in a lazy mode). I try to be there for you whenever you need me.

• K says Selective – I admit I can be quite selective. I choose to do things only if it works in my favour. Selfish, one would say. Maybe. I only do things or go to places or see people if it is worth my time and effort AND within my means and capabilities. Is that wrong? I don’t simply do something just to please others.

• K also says Thoughtful – I am a strong believer of the golden rule - treat others as you want to be treated. Period.

• K and F say Sexy (in a way)/Sexxxy – I might be sexy (roll eyes now, please!) WHEN I was younger when the body was slimmer, the skin was tighter, the hair was thicker and the breastfriends were not pointing south (just for the record, they are still looking forward)! But I’ve grown sideways over the years and I don’t wear (too) revealing clothes (beachwear excluded) and I don’t speak in a soft/sexy/melodic female tone. Like beauty, sexy is in the eye of the beholder….I guess.

• N and AZ say Agrocentric/Cranky – Everyone has mood swings. Some may choose to show it, some may not. I’m the former. Which I think is not good, sometimes. Yes, I have PMS 24/7 so sue me! I get agitated easily. When I’m cranky, just shut up or leave me alone for awhile and I will be fine. If you don’t leave me alone, I will leave you….just to cool myself down. As simple as that. By the way, agrocentric is a word created by a fellow agrocentric friend, N. It simply means angry-centred (?).

• G and D say Garang/Firm – I get this a lot. Sometimes it makes me wonder….why?! Is it because I hardly smile and that makes me unapproachable? Is being firm, knowing what I want makes me garang? I thought I’m the sweetest soft spoken timid demure submissive kinda girl? No? Ok, move on. Nexxxttt!

• L says (Unshamedly) Frank – Yes, I can be brutally honest or straightforward but only with my family and good friends. Sometimes my frankness may hurt their feelings but it is never my intention to hurt. If it is wrong, I won’t say it is right. If it is ugly, I won’t say it is pretty. I won’t say it is brilliant if it is stupid. If I have nothing nice (or honest) to say, I just shut the eff up. But sometimes, I can’t resist blurting it out if I really can’t stand your foolishness. Bad, eh?

• PC says Loveable – Aawww! To refrain myself from blowing my own trumpet, I shall not elaborate on this description. Eheh!

• M says Crazy – If I see an old man walking on the street with a walking stick, I will approach him and kick his walking stick. No, I’m not that crazy and cruel. If you’re in the car with me, all of a sudden I would scream my lung out. Oh! Just for the fun of it. Is that crazy? Is being goofy and acting like a clown crazy? I don’t care as long as it cracks my friends up. Like the song….I’m not crazy I’m just a li’l insane. And when I’m insane, I’m the funniest person to be with. So I think.

• LG says Armadillo – Armadillo in Spanish means “little armored one”. It’s an ugly creature ‘tho. Is it because it’s ugly, LG? Haih! Or is it, hard on the outside and soft in the inside? Maybe. For those who may not know, “Armadillos have hard plates that cover their back, sides and top of their head. These hard plates protect them from attacks from other animals. All armadillos curl up to protect their soft underside. Armadillos can jump up to 3 feet straight up into the air to startle a predator. Also, when the armadillo jumps up he may hit his predator in the mouth with his hard armor and dislocate the predator's jaw.” I like this metaphor. No need to explain further.

So, if God decided to take my life earlier than He has originally planned it to happen, is this how my friends would remember me? Maybe.

I think, when I die I just want my family and close friends to remember me as a no-nonsense but funny person who had her heart in the right place. But I believe He wants me to live a little bit longer in this world, giving me chances to make amends and be a better person. InsyaAllah.

Have you ever wondered when you die how do you want to be remembered? I suggest you wonder now because you can’t wonder when you’re dead ‘cos you’re dead! Du-uh! Just for fun…go wonder!